Self Imprisonment- It's as ridiculous as it sounds

Rodger sat in his cold concrete cell passing the time as he had for years. he paged through the book he had gotten from the book cart although he didn’t find it to be particularly interesting. He stared out the small window high on the west wall and watched the birds fly back and forth on their ever important errands. He scratched designs and shapes into the drab dreary paint on the rough cinder block walls alongside the markings of the previous occupants. It was a boring life that he lived all within the narrow confines of the small cold enclosure.

He deserved to be there, and he knew it. The land was governed by ten simple laws and he had broken most of them. He had come to accept his fate as the natural conclusion of the life he had chosen to live. His future would only exist within this prison. He would have no more opportunities to make his was in the world. He had only to live out his natural life in confinement and die. This was his lot in life and he had accepted it.

One day, as he sat paging through his assigned book, he heard a knock at his cell door followed closely be the clanging of the lock. The door slid open to the left and there in the opening stood the prison warden, Lucifer. The warden stood to one side, revealing a man in a black suit and a blue paisley tie.

“Hello there, Rodger,” the man in the paisley tie greeted him. “I am hear from the president’s office. he has offered you a pardon for all infractions, both past and future. All you have to do is accept it and you are free to go.”

Rodger sat on the edge of his steel framed cot with a look of sheer shock on his face. Surely there had been a mistake. He did not deserve a pardon. He was scum. He knew this because the warden had told him so every day since his incarceration. Surely, the man in the paisley tie was wrong.

“Look, Rodger,” the man continued. “I have a pretty good idea of what’s going through your head right now. You don’t think you deserve a pardon. You’re right. No one deserves a pardon. But that has no bearing on the president’s desire to offer you one. He’s offered pardons to thousands of prisoners. Millions even, and many of them don’t accept their pardons because they know they don’t deserve them. But don’t let their decisions color yours. There’s a life waiting for you outside this cell. All you have to do is sign the paperwork and walk out.”

Rodger got up from his cot and walked over to the cell door. He took the outstretched clipboard and signed his name at the bottom of the page. Th man in the tie gave a satisfied smile and tucked the clipboard under his left arm.

“Rodger,” he addressed the prisoner. “You are a free man. Now, go and live the life of freedom your president desires for you.”

The man walked down the prison corridor and waited in front of another cell. The warden stepped to the side to allow Rodger to exit his cell. Rodger turned towards the exit but stopped as the warden looked into his eyes. Rodger felt uncomfortable. The joy and elation he had felt at his release faded in the face of the warden’s cold judgmental gaze.

“Well, Scum,” the warden began. “I guess it’s your lucky day. You’re a free man, as they say. You and I both know that you don’t deserve freedom. No one on this block does. You’re free to walk out of here because the president says you are but, don’t forget where you belong. I’m going to leave this cell door open. When you are out there living your life, you’re going to remember that you are living a life you don’t deserve. When that happens, I want you back in this cell because this is where you belong.”

Rodger stared into the warden’s eyes for a few seconds as he tried to shake what he had just heard. Finally, he slipped past the warden and left the building. He was a free man. His life had a purpose now. He didn’t have to live in bondage anymore. He walked to the parking lot and found a car waiting for him.

The car took him to a halfway house for recently pardoned prisoners. Rodger was surprised at how many people were there. They all had stories very similar to his own. The people who ran the halfway house helped him secure a job and an apartment. They helped him learn how to interact with people again. They were exactly what Rodger needed to forget the warden’s cold indifference. These people cared. They loved Rodger and wanted to help him succeed.

Months went by, and Rodger succeeded. Eventually, years went by and Rodger found himself relying less and less on the proprietors of the halfway house. Ultimately, self-sufficiency was their goal so they were happy to see him doing so well. Rodger met a woman and fell in love. He and his wife had a child. Rodger’s career continued to advance.

 Rodger looked up from his desk on day and took in the family picture he kept at the office. He realized that he was living the life he had always wanted. And he remembered what the warden had said. You’re going to remember that you are living a life you don’t deserve. You’ll remember that you belong in here. Rodger shook the warden’s words from his head. Nobody deserved the life they lived, but everyone lived the life that the president wanted for them. That’s what Rodger had been told at the halfway house. The president wanted freedom for his citizens. That’s why he offered the pardons to everyone.

Rodger sat back  and thought over the last ten years since his release. He had done well, but not as well as he thought that he would. When he left the prison, he had told himself that he would never break the law again, but he had. He had been guilty of countless infractions since his release. The reality of his guilt weighed on him. He reached for the phone on his desk and called his wife. He told her that he wouldn’t be home that night or the night after. In fact, he wouldn’t be home until after work on the following Monday. He didn’t explain why, because he didn’t think she’d understand.

After work, he got into his car and drove to the prison. He walked into the booking center and addressed the person behind the counter.

“You don’t have to introduce yourself, Scum,” and gravelly voice cut him off. “I remember who you are. Your cell is waiting.”

Rodger recognized the warden’s accusing tone. The face of the counter clerk wasn’t that of the warden, but the voice was unmistakable. Rodger took the tan jumpsuit and stepped into a privacy booth to change. He put his three-piece suit into a paper bag along with his silver watch, briefcase, and wallet. He left his personal property with the clerk and walked through the open door to the prison block corridor. He found his cell in no time. It was just as he had left it. He walked through the open cell door and collapsed on the thin mattress of the cold steel bed. He buried his face in the musty pillow and cried himself to sleep.

He woke up to the sound of a stainless steel tray sliding across the hard concrete floor.

“Breakfast is served, Scum,” the warden’s voice sounded from the hallway. “Eat up. Guilt is no good on an empty stomach.”

Rodger looked up and was surprised to see that the warden was nowhere to be seen. The person who had addressed him was the woman pushing the food service cart. However, the voice was unmistakably the warden’s.

Rodger reached for the heavy tray and surveyed the meal before him. There was a mound of mush alongside a pile of scrambled eggs that weren’t quite the right color. Rodger picked up the plastic sport and plunged it into the mush and took a bite. He had almost gagged. The mush was thick, flavorless and was room temperature. He stabbed a chunk of the eggs and had a similar experience. He had forgotten how miserable the food of prison was. He took a deep breath and powered through. He deserved to be there, and he was going to take all the punishment that was in store for him, including the food.

Rodger spent the whole weekend in his cell remembering how much he didn’t deserve the freedom he had experienced of the last ten years. On Monday morning, he hit the showers and retrieved his personal affects from the counter clerk. He slid his suit jacket over his shoulders and turned towards the exit.

“See you next weekend, Scum,” the warden’s voice echoed from behind the counter.

Rodger paused for a moment before pushing through the heavy steel doors. He breathed a heavy sigh of resignation as he realized that the warden was right. He would be back behind bars for the next weekend.

Rodger was back behind bars the following weekend. In fact, he checked himself into the prison every weekend for the next six months. Even then, he didn’t feel it was enough. He still lived a life he didn’t deserve from Monday morning until Friday night. He knew he deserved to stay in prison all week, but he had responsibilities to his family. His time behind bars mystified his wife. She had also been pardoned and knew they were both living a life they didn’t deserve. However, she was content to live in the freedom provided by her pardon. Finally, one Friday afternoon, she dropped her son off at her mother’s house and went to her husband’s office.

Rodger walked out of his office building and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of his wife.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her.

“I’m here to make sure that you come home,” his wife replied. “I’m sick and tired of you spending every weekend in jail when your pardon covered everything.”

“Don’t you understand?” Rodger pressed. “I deserve to be behind bars. I have continued to fail since I was released. I still belong behind bars.”

“Why do you think you belong behind bars?” she challenged him. “You were pardoned! You are free! Who told you that you’re not?”

“Nobody,” Rodger shrugged. “I know I’m free. But the warden says that I belong behind bars and you now what? He’s right! I don’t deserve freedom!”

At this statement, Rodger’s wife grabbed him by the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled his face close to hers. She looked deep into his eyes and spoke slowly as if to ensure that Rodger heard everything she had to say.

“I know you don’t deserve freedom,” she began through clenched teeth. “No one deserves freedom. But that doesn’t mean that you belong in prison. We were pardoned. Everyone who lives a free life was pardoned. We belong in freedom because the president said we do. The warden doesn’t make the rules. He told me the same thing he told you. He’s wrong. A free man does not belong in prison. Come home with me and live in freedom.”

Rodger stood there, looking into the eyes of the woman he loved. He heard what she said but he wasn’t sure she had it right. Maybe she had obeyed the law since her pardon. In her case, it made sense for her to live in freedom, but not his. No, he deserved to live in prison. He tried to pull away from her, but her grasp tightened.

“Do you think your freedom was free?” she asked him as her tone tightened. “Do you know what the president had to do to get us our pardons? He gave up his son! His only son was executed in exchange for our freedom and you have the gall to tell him that his pardon isn’t good enough?”

“Wait,” Rodger stuttered. “You mean to tell me that my pardon was paid for?”

“Yes! And every minute you spend behind bars is a slap in the face to the man who paid for it,” his wife exclaimed. “Now come home. You don’t belong in prison. Your freedom was bought and paid for and the warden no longer has power over you. The only power he has is the power you give him. The cell door is always open because he no longer has the power to lock it! It doesn’t matter what he says. That cell doesn’t belong to you anymore.”

Rodger stood for a moment before nodding his head.

“You’re right, dear. Let’s go home.”

I hope you enjoyed my little story. Here’s the message I was trying to convey. We are free from the shackles of sin thanks to the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. However, we often live our lives convincing ourselves that we live a life of freedom that’s not ours because we are in possession of a pardon we don’t deserve. These two concepts are not mutually inclusive. We don’t deserve the salvation we’ve been given but we are called to live in freedom from the shackles of our past lives. We as Christians need to stop walking back into the cells we were freed from just because the warden is telling us that we belong there. Jesus Christ told us we don’t.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” -Galatians 5:1

“Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.” -1 Peter 2:16