Salvation Upgrade

A man died and went to heaven. He was greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter who was wearing a long sleeved dress shirt, tie and khakis.

“Where’s your robe” he asked jokingly.

Saint Peter chuckled and replied, “It’s casual Friday. Come on into my office while I pull up your account, John.” He continued.

He sat down at a desk and began typing on his celestial computer…

“Hmm, I see you received Jesus as your personal savior when you were twelve years old at summer camp… good… graduated high school… went to college…” there was a long pause.

Peter looked up from the computer with a disappointed look on his face.

“What’s the matter?” John inquired, “Is there something wrong?”

“Well,” Peter explained. “Our records indicate that you did receive Christ as your savior. That’s good. However, as we look into your account further we find that you never upgraded your salvation from the ‘1985 free edition’ to the ‘new millennium full edition’.”

“What does that mean?” John asked in a confused tone.

“Well, since you accepted the free edition and never upgraded, you’re only mostly saved.” Peter explained

“I didn’t realize that I could be mostly saved. I thought it was a free gift that covered all my sins!” John exclaimed.

Peter sighed as he explained “It is a free gift. There are just a few minor requirements as laid out in the fourth book of Maccabees. In order to upgrade to the ‘new millennium full version’ of salvation you would have had to either dedicate your life to the clergy, or die a martyr’s death. And before you ask,” peter added, interrupting Johns next question before he could ask, “the book of Maccabees is in the apocryphal books which the early church decided didn’t make the cut for the Gutenberg Bible. They were right on most of them, but I’m afraid they got one wrong.”

“Well, what does that mean for me now?” John asked dumbfounded.

“It means that you’re saved, but Lucifer still has partial custody.” Peter paused and then continued realizing that John didn’t understand what he was trying to say. “It means that you still go to heaven, but you have to visit hell every second and fourth weekend. By the way… this is the second Friday of the month so… see you Monday.”

Note from the author: it is important for the reader to understand that this short story does not reflect my personal beliefs. It is simply a humorous story intended to get the reader thinking about this… God does not limit his free gift of salvation. Why should we limit our ‘free’ service to Him?

-Scott Henning