A man died and went to heaven. He was greeted at the pearly
gates by Saint Peter who was wearing a long sleeved dress shirt, tie and
khakis.
“Where’s your robe” he asked jokingly.
Saint Peter chuckled and replied, “It’s casual Friday. Come
on into my office while I pull up your account, John.” He continued.
He sat down at a desk and began typing on his celestial
computer…
“Hmm, I see you received Jesus as your personal savior when
you were twelve years old at summer camp… good… graduated high school… went to
college…” there was a long pause.
Peter looked up from the computer with a disappointed look
on his face.
“What’s the matter?” John inquired, “Is there something
wrong?”
“Well,” Peter explained. “Our records indicate that you did
receive Christ as your savior. That’s good. However, as we look into your
account further we find that you never upgraded your salvation from the ‘1985
free edition’ to the ‘new millennium full edition’.”
“What does that mean?” John asked in a confused tone.
“Well, since you accepted the free edition and never
upgraded, you’re only mostly saved.” Peter explained
“I didn’t realize that I could be mostly saved. I thought it
was a free gift that covered all my sins!” John exclaimed.
Peter sighed as he explained “It is a free gift. There are
just a few minor requirements as laid out in the fourth book of Maccabees. In
order to upgrade to the ‘new millennium full version’ of salvation you would
have had to either dedicate your life to the clergy, or die a martyr’s death.
And before you ask,” peter added, interrupting Johns next question before he
could ask, “the book of Maccabees is in the apocryphal books which the early
church decided didn’t make the cut for the Gutenberg Bible. They were right on
most of them, but I’m afraid they got one wrong.”
“Well, what does that mean for me now?” John asked
dumbfounded.
“It means that you’re saved, but Lucifer still has partial
custody.” Peter paused and then continued realizing that John didn’t understand
what he was trying to say. “It means that you still go to heaven, but you have
to visit hell every second and fourth weekend. By the way… this is the second
Friday of the month so… see you Monday.”
Note from the author: it is important for the reader to
understand that this short story does not reflect my personal beliefs. It is
simply a humorous story intended to get the reader thinking about this… God
does not limit his free gift of salvation. Why should we limit our ‘free’
service to Him?
-Scott Henning
